3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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