I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
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that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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