you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Shame - the story of my life.
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