I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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