he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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