based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
