when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
