It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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