Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
