Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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