Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Vodka?
Forever.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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