she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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