Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
