Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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