totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
