fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
