I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
