This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
