we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
