I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
