break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
