so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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