I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
