You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
