I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
