so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize