he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
