I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I believe in your delicious
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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