Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
