so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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