I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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