just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
