I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
