Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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