glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
