Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
