You're so nebulous sometimes
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
