Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
