He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
