I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I think people are normalizing furries
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
