I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
