I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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