I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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