we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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