I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
