I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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