it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
