I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
