turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
