I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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