I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
