You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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