Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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