I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
