onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
