when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
