he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
A bitchslap is in order.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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