I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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