dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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