i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
