For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
