tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
